I am not going to pretend that I was a huge fan of everything he did in public office (although his vocal opposition to the Iraq War warmed the hearts of many progressives), but he served his country as both a Marine and a Congressman, and that deserves a measure of respect.

WASHINGTON (AP) – Despite being dismissed by critics, it looks as though Bag of Hair’s bid to be the Republican Party’s Presidential nominee has become inevitable. Hair has carried 16 of 18 states in the “Super Tuesday” primaries, mathematically eliminating Hair’s better known and better financed opponents.

Hair is not without critics. Roger Bartone, a former Democratic consultant turned cable television commentator, immediately went on the attack on the program Bartone Zone in his daily “Unhinged Rant” feature, one that had to be cut short so an assistant producer could clean the spittle from the camera lens.

“This isn’t just someone with a weak grasp of foreign policy, but a weak grasp of our own country. We are talking about a candidate (Hair) who identified ‘Osama’ as the capitol of Nebraska.”

The capitol of Nebraska is Lincoln, the AP has learned.

Conservative supporters disagree and believe that Hair shares their values.

Morgan Jesperson of the Institute for American Values and Unfettered Commerce said in a call from his private jet that Hair represents small-town, main street values.

“The liberals like to play those gotcha games like asking who the current president is, that only matters to the media elites but not the true, red blodded American.”

“Also, I don’t care about Hair’s lack of experience. As long as everything Hair says bothers liberals, centrists, moderate Republicans and the media, full steam ahead, I say,” Jesperson added before cutting the interview short for a meeting with financial industry lobbyists.

“So what if you don’t know that California is on the Pacific Ocean?” said Rosie Fulgrove, an Indiana supporter of Hair, highlighting a recent gaffe made in a debate, “What we care about is whether or not our president will finally cure this gay thing.”

Hair’s critics cite other gaffes such as a condolence card sent to Monticello upon the death of Sherman Hemsley, a microphone clearly picking up the words “Prawns nearly sight” while singing the national anthem, and shock on a foreign trip to London when the locals spoke English.

Sal Parchesi, a Queens New York resident who formed his “Patriots for Hair” group long before Hair sought the nomination, dismisses criticism of Hair’s intellect. “What do these other guys have? They went to fancy colleges and got degrees in how to add or subtract. Hair has common sense, and will solve this deficit problem without raising my taxes or cutting my medicare. Oh, and Hair will send those New Mexicans back where they came from,” Parchesi said, referencing another statement made during an appearance in Wisconsin.

New Mexico was made a state in 1912, the AP has learned.

There are party leaders who are uneasy about a Hair candidacy. None would speak on the record, but one said “I don’t expect a candidate to be Abraham Lincoln, but I’d like one who knows who he is.”

With Hair’s unassailable front runner status, party insiders are speculating about possible running mates. Box of Hammers is the most prominently mentioned.

Eva Carrillo Dong, Member, Sunnyside School District Board

Juan Martínez, a GED recipient

It would surprise many people to know about the number of people who recieve GEDs in Arizona. Nearly one fifth of the High School Diplomas issued last year were actually GEDs (1,812 right here in Pima County). Even with that, we are still left with 800,000 people in Arizona without a diploma.

We allocate $4.5 million to these programs, but we are giving up a match of $11 million in federal money by defunding them. Also, think about this: a person without a diploma makes $8,000 less per year than someone with one. Because of the hand up we offer, GED recipients generate an additional $8 million in revenue for the state annually.

Think about this: Arizona has consistently had one of the highest dropout rates in the country. If this portion of the budget passes, we will be the only state that offers dropouts no alternatives. I guess we can’t wonder why we don’t hear the phrase “compassionate conservative” these days.