Coming Soon To A High School Near You


Instructions: Please choose the answer that best completes the sentence and fill the corresponding bubble on the answer sheet with a number two pencil.

1. The first Spanish-speaking residents of what is now Arizona…

a.) …arrived by the middle of the 18th century and their descendants are still here.

b.) …overwhelmed the state after the 1986 amnesty.

c.) …were running drugs and taking jobs from good Americans.

d.) …keep speaking Spanish to each other within earshot of me. PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!

2. The “rule of 31” is…

a.) …language in the State Constitution that defines a quorum in the House of Representatives as 31 members and requires 31 votes to pass a bill.

b.) …a pseudo-constitutional mandate that requires 31 votes from members of the majority party to pass a bill in the House.

c.) …a series of tax breaks and regulatory carve-outs to attract a Baskin-Robbins Megastore to the East Valley.

d.) …a reference to NASCAR driver Jeff Burton.

3. The first African-American in the Arizona State Senate…

a.) …was Cloves Campbell, Sr., Democrat of Maricopa County.

b.) …I dunno…that girl who just started working for the DOE…Lee something.

c.) …would be a Republican if he were alive today.

d.) …was Terry McMillan.

4. The branch of government that serves as the final word on constitutional matters is…

a.) …The judiciary.

b.) …The House Rules Committee.

c.) …The Speaker Pro-Tem of the House of Representatives.

d.) …The Goldwater Institute.

5. The only thing that the state legislature is required by the constitution to do every session is to…

a.) …pass a balanced state budget.

b.) …cut taxes.

c.) …secure the border.

d.) …bring God back into our schools.

6. Raúl Castro…

a.) …is the oldest living ex-governor in the United States and the only Mexican-American ever to serve in Arizona’s highest office.

b.) …is Fidel’s no-good brother.

c.) …is a Congressman from Tucson.

d.) …would be a Republican if he were alive today.

7. Arizona’s twenty-four Indian Tribes…

a.) …have a special government-to-government relationship with the State.

b.) …are subordinate to the State.

c.) …are fabulously wealthy and get too much free stuff.

d.) …what? Didn’t John Wayne kill them all?

8. Arizona’s “right to work” law…

a.) …bans the so-called “closed shop” which requires labor union membership as a condition of employment.

b.) …makes labor unions illegal.

c.) …means that everyone who really wants a job can get one if they just look hard enough.

d.) …means that legislators are entitled to lobby on the side.

9. Miranda v. Arizona refers to…

a.) …a landmark United States Supreme Court decision which requires law enforcement to notify an individual of his or her rights when being questioned.

b.) …a pain in the ass.

c.) …a floor speech given by State Senator Catherine Miranda, Democrat of Phoenix.

d.) …an unfortunate incident at Canyon Ranch involving Cynthia Nixon.

10. Arizona native César Chávez is best known…

a.) …for organizing farm workers in Arizona and California to fight for better working conditions.

b.) …as the greatest Mexican boxer of all time.

c.) …for leading the Mexican Revolution.

d.) …as someone who would be a Republican if he were alive today.

Scoring: If you answered “a” to all the questions, congratulations! You actually know what you are talking about. An answer of “b,” “c” or “d” to any question may be factually incorrect, but is acceptable if you can defend your position with a smug sense of self-assurance and call anyone who disagrees with you anti-business, soft on crime, or uncivil.

5 thoughts on “Coming Soon To A High School Near You

  1. Several of these questions are about non-Caucasians and are therefore in violation of the Ethnic Studies ban. Please cease and desist immediately.

  2. So the schools now have to administer this test.

    What kind of odds will you give me that, having passed the requirement to administer the test, the legislature also has no money to pay for it and expects the school districts to find the money someplace themselves?

    Or is that already a given?

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