Rum, Romanism and Rebellion

My brother was in Boston for the National Conference of State Legislatures meeting. Yes, the name of the group has the word “Legislatures” and not “Legislators.” Shortly after he got back, he flew to Denver for a meeting related to his “civilian” work. So, it is only just now that I got his rundown of the meeting.

By the way, he was in Boston when the Revs lost to DC United, then in Denver when they lost by the same ugly margin to the Colorado Rapids (one of the worst teams in the league, but features former Tucson Amigo Pablo Mastroeni). In fact, he even stayed at the same hotel as the Revs. I’m expecting an e-mail from the Kraft family asking me to keep the guy away.

Anyhow, a few observations about the meeting and the City of Boston from my brother:

1. The Dropkick Murphys are to Boston as Calexico is to Tucson, only more so.
2. Don’t worry if you don’t know what “carbon capture” is. The executive director of the Carbon Capture Association doesn’t know either, nor can he tell you anything about the membership of the Carbon Capture Association.
3. The Middle East is to Boston as Club Congress is to Tucson, except that the Middle East is actually in Cambridge.
4. Contrary to what some may say, Tom Prezelski is not in the pocket of the Railroads. However, Steve Farley, having predictably fallen in love with the MBTA, will let nothing stand in the way of his plan to bring commuter rail to Arizona…NOTHING! BWAH HA HA!
5. This being said, there may be something to the Railroad’s contention that the rail safety legislation in Congress is just an attempt by the chemical industry to shift liability for accidents.
6. Pedestrians in Boston cross the street without regard to traffic signals or crosswalks. Pedestrians in Cambridge actually appear to pay attention to such things.
7. “Sweet Home Alabama” should not be sung in a Boston accent in an Irish bar.
8. As far as I can understand, one house of the Puerto Rico legislature is dominated by a party that favors statehood, while the other is dominated by a party that favors continued status as a commonwealth. The Governor favors independence. This is quite messy and is fortunately none of my business.
9. There are at least two establishments in the Faneuil Hall district of Boston that purport to being the oldest bar in North America.
10. The organization called Republicans for Compassionate Choices are actually a group that favors the decriminalization of marijuana.
11. The American Association for Nude Recreation is pretty much what you think they are. They had a table where they were handing out lapel pins. Lapel pins? Huh?
12. Hatian pop music sounds a little like what might have happened if Serge Gainsbourg collaborated with Tito Puente.
13. The personality cults that have formed around Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama are nearly as disturbing as the one that surrounds George W. Bush.
14. Boston’s street network was largely laid out before the Ordinance of 1790, thus there are no right angles and the cardinal directions are mostly irrelevant. Think of an entire city laid out like downtown Tucson or Old Bisbee.
15. The only evidence that the Reason Foundation can cite to support its argument in favor of handing over the federal highway system to private for-profit corporations is a throwaway comment by the Governor of Pennsylvania, a statement which he has since retracted.
16. While most male politicians use retirement as an excuse to grow the beard they have always secretly wanted, David Bonior has taken to shaving regularly since leaving Congress. He appreciates it when you tell him that he was right about NAFTA.
17. Though Boston has styled itself “America’s Walking City,” getting around in a pair of boots that you have had for only a week is awkward.
18. The Texas drawl of a State Senator from Austin becomes more affected when he is addressing an audience.
19. Do not try to get your picture taken at “Car Talk Plaza” in Harvard Square, as there is no such place. However, a second story office window there does bear the name of the law firm of “Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.”
20. The Republicans in our delegation seemed to really appreciate how well-run Boston seems to be. They particularly liked the transit system. I suppose that there is some irony in their appreciation for the fruits of generations of Democratic ethnic machine politics.